I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
