Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
