You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
