Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
