I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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