im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
