we have pet lesbian snakes
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
