I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
