Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
