dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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