roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
