Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
