I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
