I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
