I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
