He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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