Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
