Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
