I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
