is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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