No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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