I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
