And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
