Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
