I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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