i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
