paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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