Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
