Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
