Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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