Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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