I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
