nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Congratulations! We have a period
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
