I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
In America we eat man semen.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
