well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
