So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
