ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
