He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
