What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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