I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
