Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
