i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
