I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
