Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
When are your genitals available?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
