So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
