waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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