We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
