So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well I just put wine in my tea
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
