hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
