i already hear my dad disowning me
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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