Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize