There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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