My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
pray to the hookup gods
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize