Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
