so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
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Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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