You're my little dorito
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
