arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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