She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
