I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
