You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
