one two three fourrrrnication!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
