You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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