i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
