Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
