I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
