Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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