You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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