I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize