hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
