Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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