Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
