Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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