This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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