I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
