Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
