3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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