Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize