u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
