I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
