This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Randomize