just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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