He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
