apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize