My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
