We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
