A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
