Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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