I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
