thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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