Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
