with your own penis?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
