you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
