i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
kristin has been a bad kristin
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
