We're like a lot better than the average bears
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
