i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
ugly people sure do ruin things
So many bounce houses so little time
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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