New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
