ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
