I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
