When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
