I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Randomize
