I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
