i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
