i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
