i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
birth control should be required to get into college
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You're a waste of cheezeits
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
