Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize