so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
