I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize