You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
