I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
