Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
