My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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