You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
