he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
