I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
